I MISS MY HOME

I was sitting in the kitchen eating dinner the other night and all of a sudden, a deep feeling of nostalgia hit me like a bullet in my back. I'm not quite sure what triggered this particular feeling but it was really weird because before that moment I hadn't really missed home before, I had missed my friends and family. But at that moment I could litterly smell the scent of my mom cooking in the kitchen for Shabbat dinner, I could feel the cool white cotton of my bed sheets brushing against my cheeks and I could imagine myself coming down the stairs and heading out the door to go to school. I miss my home and no matter how much I accomplish here, I can't shake the feeling that this is not my home; this is not where I grew up.

I've been trying really hard to focus on what's in front of me right now, which is Israel. I may not feel 100% happy here but right now this is what I've got and I would never forgive myself if I gave up now. I feel like i'm on a super long vacation except i'm not engaging in any recreational activities. It's kind of an annoying feeling but everyone keeps telling me that if I move here then I won't feel like that because I'll have a car and my own place. That will probably change things but I'm not sure if I really belong here. Maybe it's too soon to tell? I know what you guys are thinking, "Wait, didn't she just post something about how great it would be to live in Israel?!" Haha well, I'm still not sure yet and I don't think I will be for a while.

I asked my sister once if she was happy that she decided to move to Israel and she said, "You know what, you have to make the most of wherever you live and enjoy yourself. When I visit California, I enjoy what California has to offer and when I'm in Israel I do the same."

TTFN XX