I MISS MY HOME

I was sitting in the kitchen eating dinner the other night and all of a sudden, a deep feeling of nostalgia hit me like a bullet in my back. I'm not quite sure what triggered this particular feeling but it was really weird because before that moment I hadn't really missed home before, I had missed my friends and family. But at that moment I could litterly smell the scent of my mom cooking in the kitchen for Shabbat dinner, I could feel the cool white cotton of my bed sheets brushing against my cheeks and I could imagine myself coming down the stairs and heading out the door to go to school. I miss my home and no matter how much I accomplish here, I can't shake the feeling that this is not my home; this is not where I grew up.

I've been trying really hard to focus on what's in front of me right now, which is Israel. I may not feel 100% happy here but right now this is what I've got and I would never forgive myself if I gave up now. I feel like i'm on a super long vacation except i'm not engaging in any recreational activities. It's kind of an annoying feeling but everyone keeps telling me that if I move here then I won't feel like that because I'll have a car and my own place. That will probably change things but I'm not sure if I really belong here. Maybe it's too soon to tell? I know what you guys are thinking, "Wait, didn't she just post something about how great it would be to live in Israel?!" Haha well, I'm still not sure yet and I don't think I will be for a while.

I asked my sister once if she was happy that she decided to move to Israel and she said, "You know what, you have to make the most of wherever you live and enjoy yourself. When I visit California, I enjoy what California has to offer and when I'm in Israel I do the same."

TTFN XX

Oh, Brother

I'm coming up on my 3 month mark here in Israel and I don't miss home as much as I thought I would. Don't get me wrong, I miss my friends and family immensely but I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm not on the next flight home. It's funny though, before I left I told my dad to cancel my cell phone line and he was like, "No, it's okay. You'll probably be back in 2 months anyway." But here I am, surviving. haha. I was born to prove this world wrong and I feel like that's exactly what I'm doing. Every time I meet someone new and they realize that I'm from California, I always get the same question, "Why?" well, why not?! Why should I stay in a bubble that is California when there is so much more of this earth that I have yet to discover? This brings me to the subject of this post.

I touched on this idea in one of my earlier posts but I didn't really provide many details. So here it is: I've seriously been considering moving to Israel . . . permanently. I guess the real pondering started about a week ago, during elections. I began thinking about how America is seeing a change but it's a change for the worst, while Israel is changing for the better. I'm a minority in America and that makes me feel uncomfortable. True, there are many minorities living in America, California especially, but everyone is still so segregated. I don't feel that my religion is entirely welcome in America and I honestly don't see that changing.

America has simply run out of 'opportunity' and now the American Dream is just to be able to pay your bills every month. The Israeli Dream is to love what you do and be there for your family. I want to have children in the future and I want them to be proud of being Jewish, not tuck their Star of David necklace under their shirt. I want them to know what it feels like to celebrate Yom Kippur as a nation or be able to walk into a restaurant and not worry if the food is Kosher or not. I remember how difficult it was to grow up Jewish in California. All the questions, not knowing really how to answer them. How do you explain to other 9-year-olds what 'Kosher' is or why you can't ignite fire on Saturdays? Living here has really made me aware of just how much of a problem being a minority could be. Being Jewish in Israel is absolutely effortless. If I do make the move here it'll be for my future.

With all of that said, moving across the world is a really huge decision and I'm totally aware of that. I'll definitely be coming back home after I complete my training here, regardless of my decision. However, I would like to come to a decision by the time I go back to California. I'm trying not to think too much about it right now because my main concern is to do well in school and enjoy the time that I'm spending here. So for right now I'm just going with the flow and taking in all the beauty and soul that Israel has to offer.

TTFN XX